just overheard

required reading?

2012-02-07T18:15:00.000-08:00

Student 1: It reads like a radio program.
Student 2: It reads like a Nazi's wet dream!

matching jackets

2011-12-08T05:49:00.000-08:00

"I got mine from a Dumpster. He got his from the Gap."

No, Mr. double latte. No, you don't...

2011-11-06T06:01:00.000-08:00

"Do I look like I'm holding??"

best(?) response ever

2011-10-24T17:23:00.001-07:00

Angry yeller 1: "Go fuck yourself!"
Angry yeller 2: "I WILL!"

Moved to tears

2011-10-20T11:52:00.001-07:00

"She just, like, sits at home eating Pop Tarts crying about how beautiful Selena Gomez is."

Don't Worry, Be Happy

2011-10-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

"Dog, Dog!!! You don't gotta worry about that. They can figure that out for themselves."

you've come a long way, baby

2011-10-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

"Guys, can you walk slower? I'm in heels."

trying to beat the crosswalk light

2011-10-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

"Run!"
"I can't run! Elliot friggin slapped me in the nuts!"

birthday celebration

2011-10-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

Woman 1: Did you hire a stripper?
Woman 2: No, I got her cupcakes.

One random conversation.

2011-10-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

First woman: "And I told her, you can't really draw conclusions from a hedgehog."

Second woman: "Didn't Harry Potter have a hedgehog?"

Third woman: "No, that was Hedwig, his owl."

Fourth woman: "What is a hedgehog, anyway?"

campus hallway drama

2011-10-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

Student on phone: I'm in class! I can't deal with your shit right now. BYE.

playground tears

2011-10-09T05:09:00.000-07:00

"They kept tagging me and tagging me, and I TOLD them I wasn't even playing!"

Imagine two guys and a girl.

2011-10-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

If pressed to guess what state they were from, you might guess a plains state.

Guy 1: Don't be climbin' in our windows.
Guy 2: Snatchin' your girlfriend up?

Guy talk

2011-10-03T18:38:00.000-07:00

..."my mother. It was some European dude..."

Imagine a young woman around 16 years old

2011-10-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

"I know my dad. And he'll say a lot of things. But I know he wouldn't say he want a DNA test when I look just LIKE his butt."

geekliest mama put-down evah!

2011-09-30T17:39:00.000-07:00

"The annihilation of your face is very important to me. As is the annihilation of your mom."

Half of a phone call

2011-09-30T06:52:00.001-07:00

"The dog ate my homework..."

"Yes, I respect you..."

"Great lies of our time."

Semester in Detroit recruitment table

2011-09-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

Staff: If you're gonna take chips, you've got to take a flyer.
Student: But I just want chips!

thought you should know.

2011-09-15T05:53:00.000-07:00

"Yeah, they said I got soft tissue damage. It's pretty much gone."

fired from McDonald's

2011-09-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

I use paper plates at home. If I don't do dishes at home, what makes you think I'm gonna do dishes for y'all?

City bus philosopher

2011-08-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

"A man-child's gotta learn to respect the woman; he's gonna behave the way he's brought up! See, there's a certain way to raise a man-child!... I don't know how to raise no female-child."

the party boat launches

2011-08-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

party boater 1: WHOO! Let's get naked! Take it off!
party boater 2: Not yet!
party boater 1: Not yet?!?

picnic

2011-08-07T13:17:00.001-07:00

"They had some good stuff, but nothing like American peanut butter!"

Envision a portly speaker

2011-08-05T16:23:00.001-07:00

"I don't have anything big enough to fit his fat a...."

At the bus station

2011-08-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

"I got a treat for you in my bag!"

Love the one you're with

2011-07-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

Well, my girlfriend's in jail, but there's this other girl...

Super Sized

2011-07-21T17:41:00.000-07:00

Girl one: You're done already?

Girl two: I threw it away. I only wanted a little bit.

Girl one: What size did you get?

Girl two: Medium.

Girl one: Why didn't you get a small?

Girl two: Cause I always think that a small is going to be, like, ridiculously small.

Girl one: Like a Canadian small.

at Redbox, discussing a Green Lantern DVD

2011-07-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Know-it-all son: "Duh, mom, it's obviously a cartoon. Look at the cover, it doesn't even have Brian [sic] Reynolds on it!"

Bitchy mom to bored kids

2011-07-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

The kids had wandered over to a lottery ticket vending machine while mom paid for groceries. It had clearly been a long day. Mom: "Get back over here! It's against the law to even touch one of those if you're under eighteen!"

e-mail like it's 1999

2011-07-15T09:23:00.001-07:00

Computer voice: You've got mail!

You have a mouse?

2011-07-12T07:41:00.000-07:00

I have something that squeaks all the time. One time it squeaked all day long.

proper office attire

2011-07-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

office worker 1: It's cleaning day.
office worker 2: I kinda forgot about that.
office worker 1: But your dress looks fabulous! We need a 360.

kids at the beach

2011-07-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

"Come back! You know I can't go that far out! Plus, there might be sinkholes out there that don't stop! Like, you step in 'em and THEY. DON'T. STOP."

mystery meat

2011-07-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm like Ball Park Franks. You don't know what's in them.

Happy birthday, indeed

2011-07-07T05:27:00.001-07:00

She: I might go to BeerFest on my birthday, but I don't know... It's like thirty-five bucks.
He: Yeah, it's expensive. But you get a LOT of beer.

Five

2011-07-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

Dude, this is a fucking Japanese car. How many people do you think I
can fit in here?